Volcano
by Brandywine421
Summary: Rating for adult language. Ryan's still adjusting to the O.C. And it's not getting easier.


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Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to "The O.C."

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Author's note: Okay, so I can't figure out how to get anything to look decent when I post it. This is a response to a challenge with 100 boats and it's about six pages so I'm posting it a page at a time. The song "Volcano" is by Damien Rice and it's been haunting me for days. I'm still working on my other fics, but this one wouldn't let me go until I finished it. If you want a sequel, I might be able to squeeze one out but I want to try and finish my other stories first. Hope you enjoy!

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Volcano

__

"…What I give to you  
Is just what I'm going through  
This is nothing new  
No, no, just another phase of finding   
what I really need  
Is what makes me bleed  
Like a new disease  
But lord she's still too young to treat…"  
**Damien Rice "Volcano"

"Ryan? You have to see this, come on…" Seth says, waking his friend with an excited voice.

Ryan sits up in his bed, wincing from the sunlight. "What?"

"Get up and come in the house! God, I love technology and by technology I mean E-Bay…" The boy rambles, slamming the door as he exits, knowing that Ryan will follow him.

Ryan lies back down as the previous night's memories flood back to him. Caleb's girlfriend, Gabby's desperate kisses and Marissa's stricken face flashes in his mind.

_"You're too late…"_

Ryan shudders. He's used to not getting what he wants. He's never been privileged like Seth or Marissa or any of the other Newport kids, he's not spoiled. At least not in the conventional use of the word. He's sure a lot of people think he's spoiled. Tainted. 

_"You're too late._"

He knew he'd never forget those words. He just wishes he could get her out of his mind. He wishes that he could forget those words and retreat back into his fantasy where she actually liked him and respected him. Where she still wanted him. 

He was infected with her. Every time he saw her, he felt sick. His vision would blur and he would get chills. His mouth would go dry and it felt like he couldn't breathe. She took his breath. 

Ryan sighs, putting the pillow over his head to try and muffle his brain. He lies still, letting himself breathe deeply as he readies himself for the day. 

He's used to having to wear a mask. Show no pain, no emotion and you were much safer. He would put on his mask of indifference and keep his voice even no matter what. He hasn't cried in years, the place that produced the tears is deep inside him buried under years of discipline. 

He tosses the pillow away quickly and sits up. He gets out of bed and makes it up. He's still not used to the idea of the housekeeper, Rosa. He's used to doing things himself, taking out the trash, making dinner, and cleaning up after himself. He hasn't let her do his laundry since he started staying with the Cohens. She always gives him strange looks when she finds him in the laundry room. 

Ryan takes a quick shower and dresses. He doesn't comb his hair; he runs his hands through it and walks out of the pool house toward the main house.

"There you are!" Seth grins as he steps into the house.

"Hey," Ryan nods. 

"Not too chipper this morning?" Seth asks, still upbeat. "Have some cereal," He suggests.

"Not hungry. Thanks. What do you have to show me?" Ryan asks, avoiding the concerned glance of Kirsten as she walks into the kitchen.

"You have to eat something…" Kirsten starts.

"I ate a lot at the party last night, it's not setting so well," Ryan lies. 

"I barely saw you last night," Kirsten replies. "Did you boys have fun at the party?"

Seth smiles widely. "I had a great time."

"It was nice," Ryan states. Seth looks at him, sensing something in his voice. 

"Well, I'm glad you had fun. I'm off to work, I'll be home around lunch." Kirsten waves goodbye and exits. 

"What's your problem, today?" Seth asks.

"Nothing," Ryan shrugs. 

"Come upstairs so I can show you this," Seth smiles, his attention flickering again. Ryan follows him silently, listening to him chatter good-naturedly. 

Seth sits down in front of his computer and turns the screen on revealing an order screen on E-Bay.

"What's this?" Ryan asks, confused.

"100 boats. I'm buying 100 boats for 100 dollars on E-Bay," Seth explains.

"A hundred boats. Seth, are you smoking the crack or something? What kind of boats?"

"Model boats. It's a complete collection with sailboats and yachts and tugboats…" Seth starts, listing off a bunch of things that Ryan has never heard of. 

"Seth?"

"Yeah?" Seth stops mid-list, turning his head to meet Ryan's eyes.

"They're toys. Don't you have anything else that you could spend a hundred dollars on?" Ryan asks, quietly.

"But this is something I could keep around for my kids to have. It's an investment…" Seth starts.

"An investment…" Ryan repeats. 

"Yeah, something I can pass down to my grandchildren and stuff," Seth continues. 

Ryan is thinking about all the things he could do with a hundred dollars. He tries to feign enthusiasm for his friend but fails miserably. "That's great, Seth. It really is. I can't wait to see them…"

"What's your problem?" Seth asks, suddenly.

"What?" Ryan replies, confused by Seth's harsh tone.

"What's your deal? What happened to you last night that made you so bitchy today?" Seth elaborates. 

Ryan recoils at the tone of Seth's voice. He doesn't want to be here anymore. "Sorry. I'll see you later, I need to get ready for work…" He bolts, as smoothly as he can down that stairs and through the kitchen and back to the pool house. He puts on his work clothes in record time and opens the door to leave.

Seth is waiting for him by the pool, looking concerned. "Look man, I'm sorry…"

"It doesn't matter. I'll catch you later…" Ryan evades. He's heard enough apologies in his life to last forever. He's full of sorries himself today, he doesn't want to hear anyone else's. He unchains his bike and starts off for work. Seth walks down to the end of the driveway, watching his friend drive away.

"What's up, Cohen?" Marissa asks, weakly, stepping out with a cigarette in her hand.

"Why don't you tell me? Do you have any idea why Ryan's a fucking zombie today?" Seth asks, not expecting an answer.

"Yeah. He's a punk. Maybe he had some kind of epiphany and finally realized it."

"So the bad mood is contagious. Care to share?" Seth replies, turning to her, defensive.

"Not really, no. I just hope Ryan gets what he deserves. Far away from here," Marissa adds, walking away.

"Marissa? What's your problem?" Seth calls.

"Your little house guest, that's my problem…his damned mixed signals and lies, I'm tired of it. You keep him away from me," Marissa yells back over her shoulder. She disappears into the house.

Seth shakes his head, thoroughly confused. 

Ryan tries to take his mind off Marissa and Gabby and Seth by working hard. He makes decent tips now that Donnie is gone and he was promoted. He smiles falsely at the customers. They probably wouldn't think twice of spending a hundred dollars on model boats. By lunchtime, he's already made a hundred dollars off an admiring elderly lady who he gave special attention to. A hundred-dollar tip. His family could never afford to tip even fifteen percent and here, these people could afford to leave hundred dollar bills on dirty restaurant tables. 

He sits down for lunch around two after the crowd has died down. He still has no appetite but drinks a large soda to fill his stomach and give him the sugar rush he'll need to finish his day. 

"Hey, Chino. I don't know what you did to Marissa, but damn, she's on the warpath today," A voice chirps behind him.

"Summer," Ryan nods. She sits down, accepting his speaking of her name as an invitation. 

"So, you really were making out with the old Cohen's girlfriend in the pool house? I must say that I underestimated you," Summer smiles.

"Can I help you with something, Summer?" Ryan sighs. 

Summer's vindictive grin fades slightly. "This is really bothering you, isn't it?" She asks, suddenly. 

Ryan glares at her, but his eyes are too filled with pain for it to have the effect he wanted. "I didn't push her, Summer. It was her decision to go back to Luke…"

"She hadn't made that decision until she saw you with supermodel chick," Summer replies.

"How was I supposed to know that?" Ryan asks, quietly. "All I know is that she showed up with Luke…god, Summer, I couldn't bear to look at them together. So when Gabby found me in the pool house, I didn't say no…"

Summer seems more sympathetic. "You really hurt her, Chino."

"Yeah, well, she hurt me, too." Ryan doesn't know why he's talking to Summer, but for once, she is acting like a real person. 

"Luke's an asshole," Summer whispers, low. "I mean, sure, they've been together forever but they don't really know anything about each other…"

"Why are you telling me this, Summer? You don't even know me…" Ryan sighs. 

"Because I think you really care about her. Don't you?"

Ryan glances away. "I…Shit, Summer. I've never felt this way about anybody. She's got me tied up in knots…fuck it. It's over now."

Summer grins at him, putting a hand over his, comfortingly. "Don't fret, kid. Never underestimate the power of a girl's best girlfriend. Things can always change." She leaves quickly, rejoining her tanned groupies on the sidewalk. 

Ryan shakes his head, halfway convinced that the encounter was a dream. He abandons the rest of his soda and goes back to work. 

He doesn't make much more money by the time he's relieved for the night. He is exhausted from his sleepless night and his twelve-hour day. He hovers outside of the liquor store, thinking of his mother. She would always drown her issues in a fifth of something and he doesn't want to be like her. He wants to be more than a self-hating alcoholic. Well, at least he's not an alcoholic yet. He steps into the store, self-confident in his appearance and walks out with a fifth of whiskey. He takes a few generous swallows, slips it into his backpack and starts pedaling for home. 

He didn't even consider that he was being followed until the truck cut him off at the entrance to the development where the Cohens lived. He recognizes Luke's truck with a groan, immediately hopping off and leaving the bike spinning its wheels on the sidewalk. The burn in his stomach comforts him as he prepares for a fight. 

"Where you going, Chino?" Luke calls, stepping out of the truck.

"Why does it matter to you?" Ryan retorts, defensive despite the forgiving ruse the boy had put on a few days before. 

"It doesn't matter to me, but it matters to Marissa," Luke says, towering over Ryan who stands his ground. "That's why I've been trying to give you a chance." 

Ryan dodges a blow toward his face but is too slow to dodge the follow-up punch to his gut. He lost his breath and by the time he recovers, more of Luke's friends are around him. 

"But you don't seem to learn. You always show up, saying rude things about Marissa…" Luke continues as he connects with his face. Ryan finds himself on the ground, protecting himself from an assault of kicks. 

"You seem to be begging me for a beating," Luke adds, parting his cronies and pulling Ryan to his feet by his collar. Ryan's face is already swelling and there is blood in his eyes. Luke slams him onto the pavement, his head bouncing off the ground painfully, disorienting him.

"Let's go…" Luke mutters. Ryan is immobile, he doesn't even react when Luke drives over his bike with the truck. 

"Fuck." Ryan pulls himself to a sitting position and managing to make it into the shadows. There is splattered blood all over the sidewalk and his bike is crushed and mangled. 

He wipes the blood from his eyes with his hand, feeling a large cut on his scalp that is trickling blood. He runs his tongue around his mouth and feels a familiar looseness in one of his back teeth. "Fuck," He repeats. He finds his backpack and unzips it. He takes a few more swallows of whiskey to steady himself. 

He realizes after his third failed attempt at standing that he might be hurt worse than he thought. 

A perfect end to a perfect day, he thinks, managing to get to his feet. He leans against the shrub where he was sitting and glances down to the puddle of blood at his feet. He lifts up his shirt and sees that his torso is covered in blood. Bastard stabbed him. He knew it wasn't Luke, but one of those boys stabbed him. He gives his mangled bike a moment of silence before limping toward the Cohen's house. 

He has to take a break every few minutes. His knee is damaged, it's excruciating for him to keep walking but he has to make it to safety. Home base. The pool house is home base and if he can make it there, he'll be safe. He is keeping a swollen hand over the small cluster of stabs in his abdomen. He glances up and realizes that he is almost home. He sees all the lights on in the main house but knows that he can't let the Cohens see him like this. He limps through the shadows to the pool house. He makes it to the bathroom before collapsing in the floor from exhaustion. He takes time to reach into his mouth and pull out the dislodged tooth. 

Seth steps outside, knowing that Ryan should have been home already. He suspects that Ryan is avoiding him, but something clicks inside his head when he notices the spattering of blood on the patio leading directly to the pool house. 

"Ryan," He gasps, hurrying towards the pool house. He lets himself inside but doesn't relax until he hears the shower running in the bathroom. He sits down to wait.

Ryan managed to get into the shower and tried to rinse the blood off his skin without losing complete consciousness. The back of his head is killing him where Luke slammed it into the pavement. He knows that he can't fall asleep, he can't give in to the darkness or he might never wake up. He staggers out of the shower and dresses in a pair of short, trying to ignore his abdomen that is still bleeding steadily.

"Ryan." Seth's voice startles him from outside the door.

"Yeah?" Ryan answers, weakly.

"What happened?"

"What?" Ryan replies.

"There's a trail of blood outside, Ryan. You want me to go get my parents?"

"Hang on," Ryan sighs. He uses a bath towel and presses it against his bleeding abdomen before pulling a shirt on to hide the damage. He opens the door.

"Jesus, Ry…what the fuck happened?" Seth demands, concerned. 

"Luke," Ryan replies.

"You look…like you're about to fall over…" Seth steadies his friend as he staggers. 

"I'll be okay…" Ryan mutters.

"Shit, Ryan…did they cut you? Why are you bleeding?" Seth demands. He motions to the dripping blood on the floor.

"Fuck," Ryan sighs, retreating back into the bathroom and sitting down on the closed toilet. He pulls up his shirt and shows his friend the bloody towel. 

"Are you okay, Ryan? Look at me…" Seth is worried by the dazed look in Ryan's eyes.

"Yeah…I hit my head…bleeding…I'll be alright…"

"I'll go get my mom…"

"Wait. Please. I can patch myself up, Seth…I can just put some stitches…"

"You can't give yourself stitches," Seth scoffs.

Ryan glances at him. "I'm pretty good at it…I've had a lot of practice…"

"You're not in Chino anymore, Ryan…and you're really hurt," Seth sighs.

Ryan tries to clear his head. 

"Ryan. It'll be cool, I swear…" Seth urges.

"Okay, Seth. Whatever. I'll do whatever you want…" His head sways and he loses focus.

"I'll be right back." Seth doesn't wait for Ryan to change his mind, he rushes back to the main house. 

"Dad?" Seth calls, finding Sandy in the kitchen.

"Yeah?" Sandy answers.

"Ryan's hurt. It's bad. Can you come take a look?" Sandy is already behind Seth and they return to the pool house. 

Ryan is still sitting in the bathroom with a towel against his oozing abdomen.

"Ryan? What happened?" Sandy asks. "Seth, go get your mother." Seth disappears. 

"I got jumped on the way home…" Ryan starts.

"On the way home? How'd you make it home?" Sandy asks, amazed that the boy is still conscious.

"I walked…its okay…I'll be okay…" Ryan mutters, losing focus again.

"Ryan. I need you to look at me…" Ryan recognizes Kirsten's voice when he recovers his senses.

"Yeah?" Ryan mutters.

"We need to take you to the hospital, Ryan…"

"No hospitals…" Ryan protests, weakly.

"Yes hospital. You're hurt badly, Ryan…"

He hears them distantly discussing an ambulance. 

"I can make it…no ambulance…wouldn't want the neighbors talking…" Ryan mutters.

"Okay, Ryan…can you make it to the Rover?" Sandy's voice breaks through his haze.

Ryan's eyelids are drooping but he stands up, supporting himself with the sink. He accepts Sandy's help getting to the Rover. The Cohen family heads to the hospital as Luke's truck pulls up to the Coopers.

**__**

"…Don't throw yourself like that  
In front of me  
I kissed your mouth your back  
Is that all you need  
Don't drag my love around  
Volcanoes melt me down…"  


Luke knocks on Marissa's front door, self-assured about his status as her boyfriend. 

Marissa opens the door with a weak smile. Summer is at her side, frowning at him.

"Hey, Luke. This is a surprise…" Marissa says.

"I was in the neighborhood…"  
"Are you bleeding?" Summer asks, interrupting his explanation.

Luke glances down at his clothes, confused. He is splashed with blood. 

"You been fighting again, hotshot?" Summer adds.

"Just a little scuffle…" Luke mutters. 

"Are you okay?" Marissa hesitates.

"Yeah…"  
"What about the other guy?" Summer questions.

"Who was it?" Marissa follows.

"That Chino kid…" Luke sighs.

Marissa gasps. "Luke!"

"He was talking all kinds of junk about you, Marissa," Luke lies.

"Whatever. That kid never says anything," Summer challenges. "You probably jumped him…"  
"Damn, Summer, what are you still doing here?" Luke snaps.

Summer frowns at him and then turns her glare towards Marissa. "You're dumb if you believe him. He's playing you. Like a fiddle." She exits, hopeful that her long talk with Marissa and Luke's stupidity will help things settle down for her friend.

Ryan manages to stay conscious for most of his examination, but he doesn't speak. He hates doctors, they've never helped him in the past. Probably because he had no money or insurance before, but this time the doctors and nurses are very attentive. Kirsten doesn't leave his side. He hears the doctors talking to her about 'signs of abuse' at one point but he doesn't respond. The painkillers they are pumping into his veins are enough to keep him silent. He lets the doctors sew up his wounds and bandage him before kidnapping him for x-rays. When they bring him back, he is in a different room from the ER and Kirsten is waiting inside, anxious.

"Ryan?"

"Still here…" Ryan answers, speaking for the first time since they brought him in.

"So you do still have the capacity for speech," She says flatly.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to tell me who did this to you?"

Ryan hesitates. "It was dark. I don't know," He lies.

"Luke, wasn't it?" 

"Mrs. Cohen. I didn't see."

"Ryan, this is serious, he tried to kill you…" Kirsten sighs, upset that he won't tell her the truth. 

"They just wanted to scare me…make sure I know my place around here," Ryan replies. "It's fine. I'll be okay…"

"You can't expect us to stand back and do nothing…" Kirsten protests.

"I don't want any more trouble, Mrs. Cohen. They won't try it again…they're little rich boys…they didn't mean it..they just wanted to scare me," Ryan sighs.

"Well they don't seem to have scared you, but they definitely scared me…" Kirsten replies.

"I'm sorry…" Ryan starts.

"This isn't your fault…" Kirsten replies. 

"I…I didn't even fight back this time…I just wanted to go home…" Ryan mutters, the drugs encouraging him to talk. "It's kind of rough when I don't even have a home…but I wanted to make it to yours…I didn't even fight back this time…I'm so tired of fighting for my life…"

"Ryan…" Kirsten starts, interrupted by Seth and Sandy's entrance.

"The doctor wants to go over the x-rays with us, Kirsten," Sandy says, smiling at Ryan.

"Are you happy now?" Ryan asks Seth, who stands beside his bed, worried.

"No, Ryan…but I'm glad you let somebody take a look at you," Seth replies. "Luke did this to you?"

"Listen, Seth. This isn't your problem…"

"You were almost killed!" Seth protests.

"Listen to me, Seth." Ryan's voice calms the teenager. "We're partners, right? You can't do anything to them. They're untouchable. Let it go. It's my problem…"  
"Ours. Partners, you just said?"

"Okay, Seth, I just need you to promise me that you won't do anything stupid…" Ryan replies.

"Well, that's a pretty big promise…" Seth teases.

"Can you do me a favor?" Ryan asks.

"Sure, Ry, what?"

"My bike…or what's left of it is on the side of the road. Do you think you could gather up the pieces of it for me? I mean, it's demolished…but I'd like to keep a piece of it. It's the only birthday present I ever got," Ryan admits. 

Seth hides his surprise but promises to collect the bike later. 

The doctors decide to keep Ryan overnight because of his concussion. Early the next morning, the Cohens get him released and they take him home.

Ryan falls into a restless sleep in the pool house with Seth standing guard over him. Seth settles into a muted game of Playstation and barely hears the knock on the pool house door. He glances up and spots Marissa.

"Seth? Is Ryan here?" Marissa asks, quietly.

"You told me yesterday to keep him away from you, Marissa," Seth says, blocking her entrance.

"What are you his bouncer?" Marissa questions, curious.

"He can't talk right now. He's a little under the weather…" Seth snaps, gently urging her back outside the pool house.

"Under the weather? Seth, let me see him…" Marissa demands.

"No. I can't," Seth replies. "I'm sorry. I'll tell him you came by."

Marissa's face seems to crumble. "Please, Seth. Just let me see that he's okay. At least tell me what happened…"

"What happened?" Seth snorts. "Why don't you ask your boyfriend what happened? And while you're at it, tell him thanks for using the short blade because another couple of centimeters and he would've have been dead…"

Marissa pales. "Seth, what…you mean…is he okay?" 

Seth turns away, hearing Ryan's voice murmuring inside. Marissa grabs his arm.

"Please, Seth. You know I'd never hurt Ryan. I didn't know…" Marissa pleads. "Just let me see him."

Seth hears Ryan's voice growing more urgent and he pulls away, going into the pool house. 

Ryan is apparently locked in a nightmare, he is thrashing around on the bed, unable to wake up through the heavy painkillers.

"Please…stop…no more…sorry…stop…" Ryan mumbles, fighting against Seth who tries to wake him up.

Marissa is stunned by Ryan's condition. His face is bruised almost unrecognizably today and he is shirtless, displaying his bruised chest and bandaged abdomen.

"Ryan, wake up…Ryan…" Seth tries to keep him from thrashing and damaging his stitches. Marissa kneels by his head and starts to whisper in his ear.

"You're safe, Ryan, okay? You're safe here, nobody's going to hurt you…just rest…" Marissa soothes. Ryan visibly relaxes without waking up. She leans back once he's calm.

"What happened between you two, Marissa? Why are you so angry at him?" Seth asks. He leads her back outside so they don't disturb Ryan.

Marissa sighs. "It's not my story…"  
"Obviously it is. What happened?" Seth questions, softly.

"I know I messed up, Seth, bringing Luke to the party…but I thought…I thought Ryan would wait for me to make up my mind…I know, it's stupid…but I thought…" Marissa starts.

"He would, he is waiting! He's patient like a rock!" Seth interrupts.

"Yeah, a rock lying under a half-naked model…" Marissa replies, flushing.

"What? Oh shit…" Recognition floods Seth's face. 

"I saw him in here with her and…I just snapped. I wasn't thinking straight so I ran back to Luke. Damn, Seth, I don't know Luke at all and I've been around him my whole life! That he could do this…that he could hurt Ryan like this…" Marissa covers her face for a moment. "I feel like…like I've known Ryan my whole life. When he looks at me…it's like nothing I've ever felt…it's like he makes me real, he makes me a real person…I never wanted this…"

"I'm sorry, Marissa," Seth says. "This isn't your fault, this is Luke's fault. I can't offer any excuses for Ryan except…you brought Luke to the party. I know that Ryan…he cares about you and he would never want to hurt you…" 

"I know. I mean, I know that he didn't do it to hurt me…but it still hurt," Marissa sighs.

"Marissa, you've got a lot on your mind right now…but Ryan's your friend. You should let him be there for you if he can…" Seth glances back into the pool house and sees that Ryan's bed is vacant.

"Where'd he go?" Marissa asks, as they both step back inside. 

Ryan is leaning over the sink in the bathroom, recovering from his nightmare. He vomited violently once he made it to the bathroom and he rinses his face with cold water. His eyes are dilated with the painkillers, reminding him of his mother. He hates seeing the remnants of her reflections in his face. He remembers hearing Marissa's voice in his nightmare and he hates the fact that she can affect him even in his sleep. It is not to be. He cannot have her. Maybe, he can be her friend, but he cannot have her. He has to accept that she is on another level than him. She's ethereal, magical, and untouchable. Her skin would melt at his touch. He is her poison. Who cares if she's the antidote to his sickness. He is her poison. He would break her. 

"Ryan?" Seth calls from outside the bathroom.

"I'm okay," Ryan replies, recovering himself and opening the door.

"Hey," Marissa says, standing timidly behind Seth.

"Hey. I'm alright. I just had a bad dream," Ryan replies.

"Yeah, Marissa and I couldn't wake you. You okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I'm just going to lie back down a while." Ryan can't stop himself from meeting Marissa's gaze.

Seth leaves for a moment, going to the main house to get more medicine for Ryan. 

Ryan sits down on the bed and glances up at Marissa. "How are you?"

"You're asking me?" Marissa smiles. "You look like hell…"

"Yeah, but you're in more pain than I am right now," Ryan acknowledges. 

"Really?"

"I guess. With your parents, and Luke getting shot…and me. I just want you to be okay, Marissa," Ryan says, quietly. 

She sits down beside him on the bed. "I'll be okay, Ryan. If you will."

"Yeah. We'll be okay," Ryan nods.

**__**

  
"…And what I am to you  
Is not real  
And what I am to you  
You do not need  
And what I am to you  
Is not what you mean to me  
You give me miles and miles of mountains  
And I ask for the sea…"

  



End file.
